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All The Varieties Of Sh*t - kjek1 - 11-02-2007
Enjoy!ESCAPEE Definition: A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of panic/embarrassment. This is similar to the hot flash you receivewhen passing an unseen police car and speeding. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter at the urinal, pretend that you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee, it is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy. JAILBREAK (Used in conjunction with 'ESCAPEE') Definition: When forcing poop, several farts slip out at a machine guns pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen do not panic, remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom so to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred. COURTESY FLUSH Definition: The act of flushing the toilet the instant the nose cone of the poop log hits the water and the poop is whisked away to an undisclosed location. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the 'WALK OF SHAME'. WALK OF SHAME Definition: Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk-up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in. As with all farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER Definition: A colleague who poops at work and is damn proud of it. You will often see an Out of the Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under their arm. Always look around the office for the Out of the Closet pooper before entering the bathroom. THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (PFN) Definition: A group of coworkers who band together to ensure emergency pooping goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of 'OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPERS' and identify 'SAFE HAVENS'. SAFE HAVEN Definition: A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom. TURD BURGLAR Definition: A pooper who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that occur when work taking a dump at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the TURD BURGLAR leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact. CAMO-COUGH Definition: A phony cough which alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a 'WATERMELON' or to alert potential 'TURD BURGLARS'. Very effective when used in conjunction with an 'ASTAIRE'. ASTAIRE Definition: A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential 'TURD BURGLARS' that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear an 'ASTAIRE', leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in peace. WATERMELON Definition: A turd that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a 'WATERMELON' coming on, create a diversion. See 'CAMO-COUGH'. HAVANA OMELET Definition: A load of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an escapee. Try using a 'CAMO-COUGH' with an 'ASTAIRE'. UNCLE TED Definition: A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An 'UNCLE TED' makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to drop your load when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees. FLY BY Definition: The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in, check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a 'FREQUENT FLYER'. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom. CRACK WHORE Definition: A crapper that has seen more ass than a Greyhound Bus. Tell tale signs of a 'CRACK WHORE' include pubes, piss stains and poop streaks. Avoid CRACK WHORES at all cost. Try finding out when the janitor cleans each particular bathroom. Don't forget, a 'CRACK WHORE' can become a SAFEHAVEN. Ghost poop That's the kind where you feel the poop come out, have poop on the toilet paper, but there is no poop in the toilet. Clean poop The kind where you poop it out, see it in the toilet, but there is nothing on the toilet paper. Second Wave poop It happens when you're done shitting, you've pulled your pants up to your knees, and you realise that you have to poop some more. Brain Hemorrage poop Also known as "Pop a vein in your forehead " poop. the kind where you strain so much to get it out that you practically have a stroke. Sweetcorn poop Self Explanatory Log poop The kind of poop that is so huge that you're afraid to flush the toilet without breaking it into a few pieces with your toilet brush Drinkers poop That is the kind of poop that you have the morning after a long night of drinking - its most noticeable trait is the skid marks left on the bottom of the toilet . "Gee I wish I could poop" poop Its the kind of poop where you want to poop, but all you do is sit on the toilet with cramps and fart a few times. Spinal Tap poop That's the one where it hurts so much coming out that you swear it was leaving you sideways. Wet Cheeks poop Also known as "The Power dump" That's the kind that comes out of your ass so fast that your butt cheeks get splashed with the toilet water. Liquid poop The kind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots out of your butt, spashes all over the inside of the toilet bowl and, at the same time, chronically burns your tender poop-chute. Mexican Food poop A class all its own The Crowd Pleaser This poop is so intriguing in size and/or appearance that you have to show it to someone. Mood Enhancer This poop occurs after a lengthy period of constipation, allowing you to be your old self again. The Ritual This poop occurs at the same time time each day and is accomplished with the aid of a newspaper Guiness Book of Records poop A poop so noteworthy it should be recorded for future generations The aftershock poop This poop has an odor so powerful that anyone entering the vicinity within the next 7 hours is effected. The Honeymoons over poop This is any poop created in the presence of another person. Groaner Ashit so huge it cannot exit without vocal assistance Floater Characterized by its floatability, this poop has been known to resurface after many flushes Ranger A poop which refuses to let go. It is usually necessary to engage in a rocking or bouncing motion, but quite often the only solution is to push it away with a small piece of toilet paper Phantom poop This appears in the toilet mysteriously and no one will admit putting it there Peek-a-boo-poop Now you see it, now you don't. this poop is playing games with you. Requires patience and muscle control The bombshell A poop that comes as a complete surprise at a time that is either inappropriate to poop (i.e. during love making or a root canal) or you are nowhere near shitting facilities. Snake Charmer A long skinny poop which has managed to coil into a frightening position - usually harmless Olympic poop This poop occurs exactly one hour prior to the start of any competitive event in which you are entered and bears a close resemblance to the Drinkers poop.
All The Varieties Of Sh*t - englundisgod - 11-02-2007
i actually read the whole thing wow im sure someone will reply to this topic- Aaron
All The Varieties Of Sh*t - travsall - 11-02-2007
I think I just pooped a little laughing, hilarious!
All The Varieties Of Sh*t - 3pidemiC - 11-02-2007
That was hilarious!
All The Varieties Of Sh*t - Mick7 - 11-02-2007
Hate those bombshell poops..bastards <img src=\"style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/sad.gif\" style=\"vertical-align:middle\" emoid=\"
\" border=\"0\" alt=\"sad.gif\" />
All The Varieties Of Sh*t - shadowmyst - 11-02-2007
What an interesting topic.. Spinal Tap poop is actually quite painful. Especially when you start bleeding. Maybe that was too much information..... <img src=\"style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/whistling.gif\" style=\"vertical-align:middle\" emoid=\":whistling:\" border=\"0\" alt=\"whistling.gif\" />
All The Varieties Of Sh*t - GBeninati - 11-02-2007
I didn't get a chance to read, but thanks for putting a more descriptive topic title than, "L@@K!"
All The Varieties Of Sh*t - kjek1 - 11-02-2007
<!--quoteo(post=243990:date=Nov 2 2007, 01:37 PM:name=GBeninati)<div class=\'quotetop\'>QUOTE(GBeninati @ Nov 2 2007, 01:37 PM) <a href=\"index.php?act=findpost&pid=243990\"><{POST_SNAPBACK}></a></div><div class=\'quotemain\'><!--quotecI didn't get a chance to read, but thanks for putting a more descriptive topic title than, "L@@K!"<!--QuoteEnd</div><!--QuoteEEndhaha always welcome.I hate those turd burglars.
All The Varieties Of Sh*t - The Beast - 11-02-2007
LOL....i think i shat myself.
All The Varieties Of Sh*t - DragoBloodlust - 11-03-2007
And on that note...ritual poop calls.